Poor Doc Citan
by Thatcher Storme
Summary: Bwahaha! Alice has a new baby...but she says it's Citan's kid! Oh dear! Odd, funny silliness occurs! And please review! It helps me become a better writter!


"Citan!" cried a familiar voice from down the path. The man turned, his charcoal-colored hair   
fluttering out from behind him. His spectacles glimmered in the bright glare of the sun and his face was   
drawn up in a kind smile. "Citan, Doc!" A tall figure ran up to him, one arm waving back and forth to   
catch the other's attention. "Doc!"  
"Goodness gracious! Fei, what brings you here so early in the morning?" Citan Uzuki asked, a   
worried look replacing his earlier grin. Fei only chuckled, his copper eyes shining happily.  
"I have wonderful news, Doc!" he replied.  
"Wonderful…news?"  
"Hai! Timothy and Alice…they have a son!" Fei blurted out with a wild expression. Citan drew   
back a little, his eyebrows lifted in amusement.  
"Are you joking with me, Fei?" he finally asked, bewildered.  
"No, I'm not! Isn't it great?"  
"It is, indeed. My, I really need to pay more attention to what goes on in Lahan. I didn't even   
know Alice was expecting!" Fei lowered his gaze and frowned.  
"Well, I didn't tell you on purpose."  
"What? Why?"  
"You see, Doc…Alice had claimed the child was yours, not Timothy's."  
Citan made a strange noise in the back of his throat and fell backwards with a thud.  
  
"I didn't know how he would react! It's not my fault!" Fei insisted to a slightly irritated Alice.   
She was lying on her bed with the covers over her, and a small bundle in her arms. Her light black hair fell   
over her shoulders in small cascades and her gray eyes were narrowed.   
Fei had managed to drag Citan all the way from his manor at the top of the mountain path down to   
Lahan village. His logic? His wife and daughter were out on an errand in the desert town of Dazil so they   
wouldn't be at the house to watch Citan.  
So now the doctor was resting peacefully on the soft couch on the other side of the room in Alice's   
house, murmuring loose phrases and sounds every once in a while. Fei watched him for a moment, and   
then turned back to his friend.  
"You didn't have to tell him so straight-forward like that, though," Alice retorted softly.  
"I'm sorry."  
"And now you've probably gotten his clothes dirtied and he'll be sore when he comes to."  
"I'm sorry."  
"And he'll probably ask all sorts of questions as well."  
"I'm sorry."  
A groan tore Alice from further blaming Fei and the two glanced swiftly at Citan's crumpled form   
on the sofa. The doctor opened his rich, brown eyes and sat up slowly, taking in his surroundings. Fei was   
immediately by his side.  
"Are you okay, Doc?" Fei inquired. Citan winced and rubbed his lower back until he realized the   
pain wouldn't go away that easily.  
"I'm fine," he answered dryly, wondering how he got all the way into this house from the top of   
the mountain. "Where am I?"  
"Alice's house. I kinda dragged you here." Citan shot Fei a half-angry look from behind his   
glasses.  
"Goodness, Fei, you know I have a bad back!" he scolded with his best 'I'm mad' look. The   
doctor wasn't one to get angry and people thought him to be a bit of a softie because he had close to no   
temper. It was in his nature to talk things out and remain calm in a number of different situations.  
"I know, and I tried to be careful. I guess it didn't work much. I apologize." Citan's brow   
relaxed and a sigh escaped his lips and he placed his feet on the floor and stood with some effort.  
"It's alright, Fei. You were just trying to help me." He glanced towards Alice who was now   
asleep and jumped a little. "FEI! You told me I was in her house, but not that she was in the SAME   
ROOM!" Fei only chuckled and patted his older friend on the back, but stopped when Citan winced with a   
soft growl.  
"She's asleep! She can't hear anything."  
Citan gulped as he laid his eyes upon the bundle nestled in Alice's fragile arms. She seemed so   
peaceful laying there, her hair spread out on the pillow, her soft, pouty lips forming a small smile as she   
breathed.   
In…out…in…out…  
Citan hesitantly yanked a handkerchief from his pocket and patted it against his damp forehead.   
"Mmm…Fei, I should really be getting home." Fei nodded.  
"Yes, but it's dark. That path back is really dangerous at nighttime. You can stay at my place in   
the guest room, I'm sure Chief Lee won't mind in the least!" Citan's mouth twitched and he removed his   
glasses, running his thin fingers through his silky, dark hair.  
"Fine, fine…you win." Fei cocked his head a little, an eyebrow raised in alarm.  
"Are you sure you okay?"  
"I guess…" he mumbled almost inaudibly, his breath coming in more ragged and slowly.  
"Here, you better sit down," Fei urged as he pushed the doctor back down onto the couch. "You   
don't look too well. Anything bothering you?" Fei almost wondered why he bothered asking. It was easy   
to know what Citan was feeling. He laughed when he was in a good mood; he frowned a lot when   
something depressing was on his mind; he was even known to break down and cry when he was deeply   
upset. Yui had told him this.  
Citan slid his glasses onto his face once more with a heavy, forced sigh. "It's just…Alice…and   
her child…"  
"Oh, that."  
"Out of curiosity…what is its name?"  
Fei grinned and sat himself down next to his friend. "She decided to name her Citainia." Citan   
yelped at this.  
"Are you sure?" He grabbed Fei by his collar and shook him. "Fei, are you sure?"  
"Yes, I'm very sure! Alice told me herself!" Fei shouted, trying to get the doctor off of him.   
Citan frowned deeply and composed himself, the lines of his forehead creasing with heavy thought. "What   
now?"  
"Alice said the child is mine, correct? Well…for the life of me, I can't remember when we   
actually…slept together." His face flushed with embarrassment over his own words. He couldn't believe   
he was speaking of this way. As far as anyone knew, the kind Doctor Uzuki had no interest in the subject.   
In fact, odd but true, he was a virgin. Yes, he did have a daughter, but Midori was already Yui's when he   
married her. A virgin at thirty-one…how pathetic can one be? He thought.  
"You don't remember?" came the voice of Alice, who was now awake again. Her face held a bit   
of hurt. "That one night, you know. You came down to the tavern and some bum got you drunk, and I,   
myself was a little tipsy…how can you NOT remember, after all that we did?" Citan turned the brightest   
red any human being had ever turned and he tried to hide his face. Shame filled him to the brim until he   
couldn't take it anymore.  
"That's it!" he cried and threw his eyeglasses down on the floor, nearly shattering them. Fei   
placed a hand on Citan's shoulder and shook him gently.  
"Hey, Doc…I think there's something Alice and I want to tell you." Citan sniffled a little and   
wiped his eyes with his long, green sleeve.  
"What…?"  
Alice threw the bundle to Citan, who caught it miraculously. His eyes grew wide as he unwrapped   
the blanket to find a giant ear of corn.  
"APRIL FOOLS!" Fei and Alice shouted in unison, barely containing their laughter. Doctor   
Uzuki stared at the corn for a few moments before letting a light chuckle escape from his tightly drawn lips.   
He couldn't believe he actually fell for that joke.  
"Oh dear me…" he spoke as he bent over and placed his glasses back on his blushing face. The   
three burst into simultaneous fits of laughing until they were so worn they had to stop and catch their   
breaths.   
"You have to admit, Doc, that was a good one!" Fei said as he slapped Citan on the back, hard.   
The doctor cried out and growled furiously.  
"Okay, now you're just hitting my bad back on purpose!!" he shouted. Fei recoiled and blinked.  
"Hey, hey, calm down, Doc! I'm sorry!"  
"Sorry my ass! That's the third time today you've messed it up even more that it's been lately!"   
Citan dove for Alice's letter opener and held it in a deadly grip. "DIE, VERMIN!"  
Alice gasped. Was Citan really serious? Kind, warm, dear Citan?  
Fei backed up into the corner of the room, his eyes dark and keen.  
But good ol' Doctor Uzuki dropped the letter opener on the floor and put his hand behind his head,   
chuckling. "Oh dear, I just couldn't resist that one! April Fool's, Fei!"  
Fei relaxed and passed out.  
"Fei…?" Citan asked and nudged him with his boot. "Fei? April Fools, right?"  
"No," Fei said.  
"Wait a sec!" Fei jumped up and ran out the door, his tongue out playfully.  
"Loosen up, Doc! April Fools!" he hollered as he ran down the steps and out into Lahan village.   
Citan plopped down on the floor and held his head.  
"Oi, my head hurts." Alice sat down next to him and smiled.  
"You look tense…I can help you relax," she whispered into his ear. Citan shot up.  
"NO! Enough with the April Fools!" he shouted and ran out to join Fei. Alice tossed her back a   
bit and grumbled.  
"Geeze…he gets so worked up. That wasn't even an April Fools."  
  
~FIN~  
  
Author's Note: Oh dear me! ^.^; This fic was actually supposed to be serious when I first started it, but   
then I remembered that Citan was married (darn…) and that I would have to give Yui some lines in the   
story (darn…) so…well, look what happened! (yay)  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Xenogears or Fei or Citan (I wish I did) or any of that jazz. But maybe I could   
own that piece of corn…hmm…I wonder if I could ask Alice if I could have it… 9.9;  



End file.
